It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
