Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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