Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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