Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
