I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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