there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
