i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
