windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
