bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
