spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
