Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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