You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
