Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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