he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
