So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
