Buhtt sex?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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