Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it penis luge time yet?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
