The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
