i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it's like iHOP with fire
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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