East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
