i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
