in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
