I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
