i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
