Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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