Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
