That's when you crack a 10am beer
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
