so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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