he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
