I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
