He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
