she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
