I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
