im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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