She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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