my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
