Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
