I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
