new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
