So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
