Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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