How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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