i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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