Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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