who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
