i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
