we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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