I think my vagina is haunted
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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