it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
