okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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