I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
