uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
home. puking in laundry basket.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
