today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
