You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
