Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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