barbara walters just said penis...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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