I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
