i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
