Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
