I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
