Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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