I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
