so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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