yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want a musical about memes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
