I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
