SEEEEXXX PLEASE
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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