I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
