The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
