my sisters under your porch take her home
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
