dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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