I seem to have left my pride at pride
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
