Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you mean i was at the winter classic?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
