I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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